Committing to the Action

The shpiel I've been peddling all over town has to do with acting as life skills. Oh do I talk a good game. I'm not a con artist. I believe what I am saying. I'm just not so great at practicing it all the time. I remember on a few occassions my mother shaking her head at people we knew who did not (or could not) practice what they preached. She would cluck her tongue and mumble, "The cobbler's kids have no shoes."

Sometimes I don't even have socks!

A couple of months ago I found myself waiting for a bus at 2:00 in the morning. As I waited I found myself privvy to a drunk and dial by a young man also waiting at my stop.

"Why do fuckin' play me, bitch? No! You got no right to pull that bullshit on me. I don't care what you have to say anymore, ho!"

And so on and so forth.

I'll admit, I got sucked into the phone call. It was hard not to. After all, I had tipped back a few that night as well. What stuck out in my mind is how this conversation seemed so familiar to me. At one point in my life I had assumed that this is what love looked like. I figured that I would find myself hitched with a man who loved me enough to punch his hand through walls and scream at me in public. I knew that I would scream back and we'd be a dueling couple. Somehow, I escaped that world. As I listened to this telephone conversation I realized how I had escaped.

It wasn't the fact that I found myself involved in the theatre and was surrounded by more sensitive people. It was the discipline. After all, the skills that an actor learns are integral to a good life. A skilled actor listens, not just to verbal cues but to physical and internal cues as well. A good actor can quickly interpret sensory input and make conscious CHOICES about what to do next. Living in the moment allows for maximum flexibility and ecourages self trust and self control. As a result, I am pretty good at reading others. I have diffused situations that may have escalated to the point of disrespect and I have done a good job of weeding those people out of my life. No one in my life speaks to me that way. They wouldn't dare.

This realization created a firestorm of activity in my brain. I started talking to people about these life skills and how they've changed my life. I am on board! This is amazing! This alone is reason enough to continue my study. Of course, it is a life long study and I still have a long way to go.

Although I have made choices that have lead to a solid marriage in which disagreements can be had without demeaning the other person there are other life choices I have yet to commit to. For example, I resist making definite choices in my career. I fear that any choice I make will lock me into one place forever. Yet, making no choice at all ALSO locks me into one place forever. I have yet to commit to anything professionally.

I've got some preparations to make, but 2007 is going to be a banner year. I'm kicking it off with a show and I think I am going to commit to teaching. There are hassles to teaching that frighten me, but this is the time for me to get over it. I've tackled the listening and receiving bit. Now it is time to commit to the action. Make a choice. Any choice. Just commit and move forward.

Then we'll see about the next life skill.