Blog Neglected

I've been absent.

There's no two ways about it.

I'm stretched a little thin these days. Between starting a new job, trying to keep a show afloat and some personal life events I've found myself unable to comment. Not publicly anyway. What is there to say?

I'm very concerned about being self-indulgent. As a result I tend to censor myself. I don't ever want to be that person who breaks out their ten trays of vacation slides at the merest mention of "how was your vacation?". I struggle with my self-image. I would like to see myself as interesting, but mostly I see myself as an opinionated, big mouthed bore. Then my writing suffers. What do I have to write about if I don't write about myself?

Cynacism and I are involved in a battle royale. I see how self-involved people are around me and I know that must be reflected in my own behavior. I also see how absolutely everything is for sale. There is a line in "The Princess Bride" that keeps coming back to me.

"Life is pain. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."

And that is exactly where I am at the moment. This rather dark view of clouds my normally sweet, perky demeanor. I'd be a leatherface, chain smoking, whiskey drinking, dragon lady with long acryllic nails growling at the patrons in the bowling alley bar if it weren't for the fact that I like being sober and, at 32, I still wear ponytails at the top of my skull. It's hard to be grizzled and surly when you have a ponytail flopping around on the top of your head. That's just a fact.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I've been neglecting my writing because two sides of my personality are doing battle and I don't know which one of them is going to take over. It is hard to channel my thoughts into anything coherent. So. You can start your bets now as to which one is going to win. Will it be Happy Go Lucky or the Dragon Lady?

I'm not sure which one I would like to win.